Han-Son is the founder of DaddiLife – the leading platform for modern day dads, and a community of over 150,000 dads. Below he writes about why we need to think differently when it comes to first-time dads.
One of my favourite quotes growing up was, ‘lost time is never found again’ by Benjamin Franklin. I used to say it a lot as a kid, not because I really understood it, but because it sounded good! I used to put on my best Gandalf accent to make sure I sounded that bit more grand and wise.
Oh how times have changed
Now I could only wish to be as wise as the great wizard but becoming a dad has made me understand the full power of that quote far more than I would have ever imagined. With each passing major moment in time I find myself often reflecting on just how quickly the last [week, month, year] has gone by.
When you feel like time is literally going by quicker and quicker, it’s all too easy to look back on previous moments you had with a nostalgic view rather than something you’re actively experiencing now.
For instance, I have a six year old now, and whenever I think back to him as a baby (which literally feels like yesterday) I’m thinking of all the lovely, random and downright hilarious moments rather than that first unimaginable poo, the time pen was spread all over the walls or the other unimaginable horrors in that first stage. Lost time is never found again.
That’s why I didn’t write my new book – You’re Going To Be A Dad! – with just my own rose-tinted glasses of fatherhood. But instead undertook in-depth interviews with over 50 dads from around the world. The insights from this group of men, living through the early stage fatherhood in real time – looking forward not back – has been such a privilege to learn from, and it’s also given much cause for a rallying cry: that when it comes to first time fatherhood, there needs to be much more candidness about their own challenges, struggles and anxieties.
Why we need a pregnancy book that reflects modern day dads
Some of you reading this have likely seen and read many a pregnancy book for new dads before and may well be asking – why the need for a new one?
Well, in looking more deeply at a number of pregnancy books for dads, there are far too many books that make a bit of a joke of fatherhood, and the narrative of, ‘just don’t forget to put the beers away,’ and the like which isn’t good enough!
New dads have simply moved on from this outdated view of the bumbling idiot dad and want to be more involved in day-to-day parenting than ever before – something the pandemic has only increased.
But beyond just reflecting this new tone, there’s a ton of challenges, issues and concerns that we need to be much more aware of, for new fathers. As such the book doesn’t just talk about dads – it’s very much a book for partners, as we talk about the science of mum and baby first, through a weekly breakdown of pregnancy alongside dad’s own psychology and an outline of all the relevant dads’ insights from multiple backgrounds we gathered from interviews.
It’s been clear that modern day fatherhood is far from a one size fits all model.
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